woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
