I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
