bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
