Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
