i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
