no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have to summon your inner elephant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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