Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
