OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
