I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
