Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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