Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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