bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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