So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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