The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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