Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
