I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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