We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
