dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
