if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
