yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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