Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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