it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
