I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
