Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
