if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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