i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
