I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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