My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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