i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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