She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
