I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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