Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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