People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The uberlube is also flammable
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
