I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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