Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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