I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
