dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
