I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
