I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
