Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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