im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
