Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
