She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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