it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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