I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
