Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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