P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
