My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
