so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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