you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
