thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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