Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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