I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
