i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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