It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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