he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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