Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize