Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
