it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
