I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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