Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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