i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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