I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
