I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize