We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
