so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
