I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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