how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
